Sorrrrry

I feel bad about not posting for so long, but I've just been crazy busy. Finally got some shifts in at work, lots more appointments in regards to my surgery, and dealing with college stuff. And to top it off, today is my first day off work/not with my boyfriend/3 weeks before my surgery, and my mom decides NOW is the right time to flip the fuck out about my surgery and tell me not to do all of it.

So I'll start off by telling you I went to my doctor yesterday and she filled out her form from the Surgical Package. After I got some blood work done (the lady fucking man handled me so bad, my arm was in so much pain) for stuff unrelated to the surgery, I called the hospital and pre-registered for my surgery. I gave the lady all my information and then she suddenly asked, "would you like to stay in the ward, a semi-private room, or a private room?". I asked her what the difference was in regards to pricing, and she said I would need insurance for the semi-private or private room. Which, I do not have. Fuck.
I asked my dad if there was anything we could do about the fact I have no insurance, so maybe I could get a private room (I very much love my privacy) and he said no. So.... Fuck.

Meanwhile the last few weeks I've been stressing out about college because I don't know where I want to go, and if the courses I picked are even what I want to do. So I have 2 colleges waiting for my confirmation and the expiry date on the offer is coming up so... Fuck.

But today pushed me over the edge. After asking my dad about the insurance stuff, I sat down with mom and talked about my surgery. It went from a casual conversation to really heated within minutes. She suddenly freaked and said I'm doing too much surgery, and that I shouldn't do it because it could backfire and this and that and bla bla bla. She basically pointed out all the fears I have about the surgery, all the things that could go wrong. I got defensive and told her why the surgeon thinks he should operate on both jaws and my chin. She started going off about how she's been saying from the beginning about how I shouldn't go through with this, how it's too much surgery, that it will WRECK my face, etc. And I told her, that after our first appointment with my surgeon, she was really supportive, and a couple times over the last few months she's said she thinks it may be too much, but when I told her why I should do it, she backed down and agreed with me. Even when I told her I'm getting Genioplasty, she was fine with it, until now.

I'll be honest, I'm fucking terrified. I'm so scared. I've kept my cool up until now, because I'm realizing how little of support I'm getting from any of my family. They point out how I "need to grow up", yet everything regarding my surgery AND college preparation I've done 100% by myself. The only reason anything has been discussed about the surgery is because I've brought it up. They've been so busy with their own lives up to this point, they haven't given a damn, and now that they realize how close it is, they're starting to care and freak out. So now I'm sitting here, realizing the only person who has been supportive of me and my decision to do this, has been my boyfriend Evan.

You'd think out of all people, your family would support you right?

The worst part is, everything my mom said about how I don't need the Genioplasty and whatnot, is what I've been thinking for a little while. I know that there's a higher chance of you losing feeling in your lower lip and chin permanently, and I'm so scared about this all changing my looks. My mom freaking out about it has officially pushed me over the edge.

I'm off to see Dr. Moore next Tuesday, the 23rd, for my impressions, measurements, diet plan, and details about the surgery and an overview of everything. Hopefully he'll restore my faith in my decision and show my mom how she shouldn't be so worried.

On another note, I'm seriously thinking of starting to make Youtube videos. I haven't been interested in doing  it so far because I feel like it's more of an invasion of privacy than just blogging. I feel that it's less invasive of me to post pictures of my swelling/recovery of each day, than to post a video each day of me attempting to talk and having drool pour down my face.

I'm planning to take some pictures tomorrow of my face and my profile and put them up here, so I can compare when most of my swelling goes down.

Last but not least, I want to say congratulations to my friend Vanessa, who will be a mom in about 2 hours! So excited and happy for her.

Talk to everyone soon!